One of Those Days

  

   Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to cry? If there are any guys reading this, you're probably rolling your eyes and thinking, “Women! They're so emotional.” :-) In that case, you may not want to continue reading, but do as you wish.

   Now I am not a very emotional person. At least I don't often display them. My family can vouch for this. I especially dislike giving way to tears in front of family, friends, and rarely privately. That to say, a little to my surprise, I had one of those moments today. I cried.

   Did it last long? No, but I think it might've done some good. If I had thought no one would hear me, I might have screamed too, but I didn't.

   So there I was, sitting on the bathroom floor, crying, feeling mentally and a little spiritually worn out. I have personally struggled for so long with many things. I am tired of fighting God over areas of my life. He has been working on me for quite a bit recently and I needed to release some of my emotions and tears seemed to fit.

   My life has desperately needed to change for a long time. As one friend put it, I'm an “unmotivated loser.” (Note: he wasn't addressing me personally, but a general audience.) The sad thing is, it's true. That description fits me pretty well. I don't remember his whole post in detail, but those two words were enough. Have you ever splashed cold water on your face to help you wake up? There's that momentary shock and sense of clarity. That's what those words did for me. I think they helped the fact that I need to change, sink in. I don't want to be an “unmotivated loser” for the rest of my life. Things have to change now.

   To help me, I will be posting about my fears, struggles, and victories... however small they seem. But one of my biggest fears is just that...to succeed.

Yep, you read that right the first time. I am afraid to succeed.

  Why you ask?

 With success comes higher expectations and more responsibility. Most of all though, I have been afraid of where God might take me if I do well. Bottom line of that is, I don't trust God as well as I thought I did.

  I have only recently learned this of myself. But now that I know, with God's strength I can work on overcoming it.

  I am very thankful God has not given up on me yet. However, He must be pretty impatient with my lack of action, that He has begun to surround me with messages to get His point across. Such as the one above by my friend. I think it's working, but I still have a long road ahead of me.

FEAR

   Fear... only a 4 letter word, but one with so much meaning and power. It can disguise itself behind many fronts and do it so well that we may not even realize for what it truly is.
  In the past week I have become aware of this very concern in my own life. Fear disguised itself under different names, but I never saw that it was the root. May God give me strength.

 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2Timothy 1:7

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

How true! I pray that I may have the courage and strength to remember what I have learned. To act upon what I have discovered about myself and not just let this knowledge gather dust.

Here is a song that has that has meant a lot to me in my Christian walk. With my newfound realizations it has an even bigger significance for me.

Ruby and Red

  I'm sitting here staring at a blank page wanting to write, but not having a clue what to write about. Any ideas?

Still sitting....


  Rubies have always held a special place in my heart. Primarily because that is my birthstone. But it's also a little intimidating. At least when I think of how it's used it scripture it can be. Here are verses that mention rubies.

"No mention shall be made of corral, or of pearls: for the price of wisdom is above rubies." Job 28:18

"She is more precious than rubies: and all of the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her." Proverbs 3:15

"For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it." Proverbs 8:11

"There is gold, and a multitude of rubies: but the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel." Proverbs 20:15

"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10

"Her Nazarites were purer than snow, they were whiter than milk, they were more ruddy in body than rubies, their polishing was of sapphire:" Lamentations 4:7


  The color Red symbolizes: action, confidence, courage, & vitality. Let's break this down and define the 4 words that are used to describe red.

Action: Something done or performed; act; deed. An act that one consciously wills and that may be characterized by physical or mental activity: a crisis that demands action instead of debate; hoping for constructiveaction by the landlord. Energetic activity: a man of action.


Confidence: Full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing  belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance


Courage: The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.


Vitality: Capacity for survival or for the continuation of a meaningful or purposeful existence  power to live or grow.


Just some things to ponder on.

Hey All!

  So I thought I'd give creating my own blog a try. :-) Don't expect regular posts and don't be too surprised if backgrounds and colors change often. ;-)