Marriage: Out of Focus

 I don’t know about you, but through my experiences, I have come to realize that our prioritization and even our view of marriage is drastically skewed. We live in a culture where romantic relationships of any kind are emphasized and encouraged to the point it’s inescapable.

 In the Christian realm, we are faced with the same pressure. Marriage is viewed so highly that what matters the most has been lost. It no longer feels special, but mainstream.

 The FOCUS has been lost. The focus on having a solid relationship with Christ and growing individually has been neglected. Instead we have become SO caught up in the warm fuzzies that we gradually forgot the correct order of priorities in Christian life.

 It appears to me as though we might have gotten things a little backwards! 

 CHRIST followed by LIFE and in life, for some of us, comes the blessing of marriage. NOT the other way around.

 Our RELATIONSHIP with Christ should be viewed and treated as such. I think everyone will agree that any kind of relationship is a continual work in progress. Our walk with Christ should be no different. It should be in a constant state of learning and growth. Your relationship with Christ is EVERY bit as REAL as the people in your life.

 Christ is not a “means to an end.” It is all too easy to fall into this mentality. I have been guilty of it myself. You don’t strike up a friendship with someone expecting to receive a prize, do you? Why should we then treat Christ this way?

 Marriage should not be viewed as “an end” to be achieved. It is when two people determine they can better SERVE God together as a couple. The goal is not marriage itself, but a way to GLORIFY God in and through a holy union. A gathering of forces, if you will, for a larger purpose.

 Our main objective as a Christian is to GLORIFY Christ and to continually build upon our relationship with HIM.

 How quickly we lost sight of our TRUE goal! It is NOT to get married for the sake of being married and experiencing the sappy, lovey-dovey romanticisms, and landing a life partner to work beside. Let me quickly reassure you though that I do believe in the lovey-dovey romanticisms within a serious relationship. True romantic speaking here! But it should not be used as a sole reason to get married.

 It is about GLORIFYING and HONORING God! Plain and simple. Marriage is supposed to be a reflection of God’s relationship with the Church, His Bride. Not the other way around and that is where we have placed it...on a pedestal. In our ignorance, pride, and greed, we dared to think that God is supposed to reflect US. How far we have fallen in our sin!

 We are to be the reflection of God. We were made in GOD’S image. Not He in ours. 

 Don’t get me wrong! I firmly believe that marriage is a beautiful thing and it’s not wrong to desire it or even work towards it. It IS a beautiful union, not to be taken lightly or distorted. Because I believe so strongly in marriage between a man and a woman, I want to make sure we view it in it’s proper place and not on a man-made pedestal.

 In the end it’s not about being married. It’s not even about being single. It’s about living a life that focuses on keeping Christ at the center and bringing glory to Him. It’s a tall order, but one easily understood. God comes first and foremost...before anything and everyone else.

 Please don’t feel as though I am trying to point fingers. I write this not just for you, but for me. Life is a tricky road and I am all too familiar with the feeling of being the only one traveling it. If God blesses me someday with a family of my own, I want to raise my children as strong individuals whose focus is their personal relationship with Christ. I don’t want them to become so caught up in the idea of an intimate relationship that they lose sight of the one that matters most. Christ first and everything else follows.

 I have to laugh a little, because I’m still learning this lesson myself. It is my hope that I can reach out to my peers and remind all of us of what is truly important and so then pass it on to our children and raise a stronger generation.

*Luke 9:62; 2Thessalonians 2:14; Romans 12:2 & 14:8; Philippians 1:21, 2:11&13; 2Corinthians 3:18, 4:15; 2Timothy 2:15; Ephesians 2:10, 5:22-33; Genesis 1:27; Deuteronomy 4:9, 6:6&7; Psalms 127:4, 145:4 NASB* 

Open or Closed?

I wonder how many times I've stared at a blank page, wanting so badly to write, but lacked the words or organization to put them on paper? Too many to count, I'm sure. It's during moments like that that I just start. It may be silly, pointless, rambling, and usually extremely short, but I at least try to make an effort. Writing means too much to me to ignore completely. I may not be the most creative, but that's not why I usually do it. I generally do it to be honest with myself...or attempt to organize swirling thoughts. Thus the reason why most of my writing consists of journaling. I can express myself and still stay hidden and safe from the prying eyes of the world.

Huh..."prying eyes of the world." That's not the first time I've used that phrase or one similar. I think it shows just how private I tend to be and even how important it is to me. See? I learn things about myself when I write. I keep so much to myself. I don't often express how or what I'm feeling and when I do it has the potential to come rushing out all at once with little consideration to the listener. I over-analyze almost everything to the point I usually end up "psyching" myself out. Opening yourself up isn't easy and and some of us, meaning me, tend to do so with great reluctance...yet I wish it came easier. Being vulnerable actually requires great strength. When vulnerable you open yourself up to ridicule, heartbreak, betrayal, fear, and pain. On the other hand you also open yourself to warmth, love, compassion, comfort, support, and even understanding. I admire and respect people that display the strength of character to be an open book. To wear their heart on their sleeve.

Talking with a friend this past week has made me even more aware of my tendency to hide within myself. I find it easier to withdraw than share my fears and doubts. To laugh than admit that I cry and to hide rather than declare I've been hurt. I used to think that not telling all left me with a sense of mystery, but all it was a facade. It hid my fears and disguises my weaknesses as strengths.

I've always found it easier to communicate through writing. My mom discovered this fairly early on and encouraged me to write. There were a few times in my early adolescence where I would write notes to my parents because I was unsure of my wording or felt awkward about saying it in person.

I am still learning and I am so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22&23)! Growth is not always achieved without pain and I need to remember that that includes stepping outside my comfort zones. Not just activity wise, but on a much deeper and personal level.

"But now, O Lord, you are our Father, we are the clay, and you are the potter; and all of us are the work of your hand." Isaiah 64:8 NASB

Peek Behind the Curtain

I am a strong and opinionated woman.

   That being said, it doesn't mean that I don't have my own set of doubts, fears, and insecurities. I also have those days where you're so tired (emotionally, spiritually, and physically) that you don't want to climb out of bed. 

   Am I living my life and following Christ as I ought? Does my life reflect His glory, grace, and love? Will people receive me well if I fail at a responsibility? Am I capable of rising to the occasion if I succeed? Do I have the fortitude to carry on if no one is there to catch me? Am I considered reliable? 

Does that cute guy across the room notice me? Will I ever find a man to love deeply? Will I be able to find a man who accepts all of my quirks and challenges me not to settle?

   The questions are never ending. Some days they get the best of me. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it. Giving up appears to be the easier path to take, but it is oh so deceiving. A false sense of security. 

   Surrendering one's self to Christ is such a constant battle. Sanctification is an ever on going process.

   How do I manage to get out of bed on those miserable mornings? Through God's strength! He surely knows that I cannot muster it myself.
   How is it that I can look myself in the mirror at all? His mercies are new every morning!

"Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. 

Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.

The Lord's loving-kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. 

They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." 

Lamentations 3:19-23 NASB 

   As we remember the day that Christ sacrificed his life and bore the ENTIRE SIN of the WORLD on his shoulders, to die on the cross, and buried sin in death. Let us not forget that we only have hope because Christ ROSE from death, VICTORIOUS, in turn giving us also victory over sin and death.

"By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him." 

1 John 4:9

God's Abundance

It's February! It was just Christmas! 

   This year promises to be a full one. Three weddings are already on the calendar, one of which I will have the joy and blessing to be an active participant in and who knows where I'll be going next.

   Have you ever taken a step back and just stood in awe? Looking back and seeing the growth from childhood to adolescence to adulthood. I marvel at the journey my life has taken thus far and am simply amazed. I see the fingerprints of God.
I've walked some rocky trails and experienced a few shadows along the way. I have been bruised and beaten. I've been angry and confused. I have been afraid and lost.

   I have been joyful and abundantly blessed. I've been healed and renewed. I have been given affirmation and peace. I am found and without fear. God is my source of strength. When I look back and see only one set of footprints, I know it was then that I was carried.

   2013 was a full and busy year and while I enjoyed it, here's hoping for a slightly less crazy and a bit more organized/structured 2014. I have no idea what God has in store for me, especially regarding spiritual growth, and I will admit I'm a little nervous. I can only pray that I will receive his instruction with an open heart and the obedience to put it into action.

   There are a couple directions I could take with the remainder of this post, but I think I'll end it right here as short as it is. Lord willing, it won't be a whole year before I'm back again with the next one. :-)

   May God bless you abundantly in this coming year!

Nobody Told Me

   When I was a little girl, I dreamed of the day when I would meet my Prince Charming, be swept off my feet, and live happily ever after. I still look forward to the day when I marry a strong, Christian man and am blessed to live out my days working side by side with him. In the meantime, I am living life and enjoying the pursuit of other dreams!

   I remember being so excited when people I knew slowly started to find a special person to spend their life with. I was in my late teens, barely into my 20's when these events started to occur. My Mom always told me it was a sign of growing up... becoming an adult, when one's friends start marrying off. Did I mind? Not at all! I was excited for them!

   Let another year or two pass by and suddenly announcements of relationship pursuits, engagements, and weddings were flooding in. At first I was excited, but it didn't take long before I became overwhelmed and suddenly living under a rock sounded very appealing. Sometimes it still does. There were days I literally found myself cringing as I checked my online social networks, because I truly felt that I couldn't take another announcement along those lines.

   What happened? I remember so clearly the joy I experienced when my friends first started marrying off. Nobody told me while I was dreaming my youthful fantasies that the joy I envisioned could someday be painful.

   It's something you don't fully think about or expect to happen. I remember hearing once in awhile from the "older" girls and sensing their struggle to be happy when yet another wedding was announced. It was something I didn't understand at the time. How could they not be happy over such a joyous occasion?

   I have found that the expression, "feeling blue," describes my mood fairly well when I'm struggling with romantic news. It's not about jealousy or being discontent, though I can't say I haven't had my moments. I am confident that God will bring that special man into my life when the time is right, and because of this jealousy has thus far rarely been a struggle. Discontent? My life is so richly blessed right now and God has presented opportunities to pursue other lifelong dreams that how can I stay discontent?

   I truly am enjoying life where I am, but that doesn't mean that I don't experience those moments of loneliness and longing. You may be thinking, "but you're still so young!"
I know I am! That doesn't make my pain any less real. I may not be far into my "adulthood" or even "single-hood" for that matter, but it doesn't lessen the loneliness I feel acutely at times.

     Why am I sharing this? Why am I pouring so much time into making sure this post comes together "just right"? Why do I continue working on it even though I feel as though I'm baring my soul to an unforgiving world?

   I'm not sure I truly know. What I do know is this. I needed to say it. I wanted to let you know that if you've experienced what I'm speaking of, you're not the only one. Did it make sense? I'm not sure, but I needed to write it. These thoughts have been tumbling around in my head for so long, it was time to record and share them.

   Being alone isn't easy. I'm reluctant to use the word "single" in this instance since it's thrown about so often.  Not yet having a special someone to share those monuments of time or enjoy the little things of life with can be downright hard at times, especially when your friends and culture just seem to remind you of what you don't have.

   Feeling lonely, desiring a special somebody, or struggling with romantic news, isn't wrong! It's a season of life and though painful, it's also a time of growth and learning. Please don't think that you're less than because you don't have somebody! I've heard a phrase go around and while I don't remember the whole thing, the point of it was; God's not ready to share you yet. It may sound cliche, but I have found it comforting.

   Please don't take this lightly. This has not been easy for me to write and as far as I'm concerned, this is getting pretty personal. I also don't want you to leave thinking that all I do is walk about and mope. While some may doubt me, I have found that it is possible to live a full life and yet still struggle from time to time with these emotions. I am only human.

   What have I learned through these experiences? It's something that I've known, but it hasn't been until the last couple weeks as I've worked on this post that it has finally started to strike home.

   Christ is the only one who will be able to truly satisfy. 

   I knew I needed to work on my personal walk with Christ, but it has become evident that I need him so much more and for so many more reasons! I know I'm going to grimace as I write this next line, but it holds true. If going through these struggles and "the blues" is what draws me closer to Christ, then hooray!

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

Psalm 30:5b KJV 

A Glance Back

   I've been considering the idea of writing up some thoughts covering my year of 2012 for awhile now, so here I am. I'm not sure how in-depth I'll get, but I hope to at least cover the things I've either experienced or accomplished.

   It was a very full year for so many different reasons.

January 2012 saw me working at the shoe store for 4 months and a friend of mine announcing her engagement. I was able to start attending Bible study more regularly. (I started attending mid/late Oct. 2011)

February - I had the fun opportunity to see Steven Curtis Chapman (for the second time) and Josh Wilson in concert with 3 friends. Well worth the 2-3 hour drive. :-)

March - Mom was going through some health struggles and I was looking for additional work to supplement my job at the store. I applied for a couple open positions at the Creation Museum, but didn't expect to hear anything in return.

April - I landed a position in the Creation Museum Cafe less than a month after I initially applied. It's been such a huge blessing! God really took me by surprise with this one. :-)
   I very unexpectedly ran into someone I had met a few years previous and we were able to chat for a few minutes before I had to leave. It was a genuine pleasure and blessing.
   I believe it was during this month (it was in the spring for sure) that I participated in a girls "camp-out" that one of the girls from Bible study hosted. It was a fun night. :-)

May - Had my first real taste on the receiving end of a "matchmaker." I quickly put a stop to things, which confirmed for me that I don't particularly care for it. Started planning a white-water rafting trip to TN.

June - My younger brother, David, graduated high-school and quickly landed a job. Attended my friend's wedding (the one that become engaged in January.) Learned how to play Ultimate Frisbee for the first time and really enjoyed the exercise and time spent with friends. My family had the Bible study group over for a fun afternoon/evening of shooting, food, games, and fellowship. My parents offered to sell their car to me that I had been using.

July - My parents celebrated 26 years together and I turned 22. Went white-water rafting with friends; Emily, Katelyn, Jeff, and Drew in Tennessee. I also camped for the first time that weekend! :-) On the way home from the weekend, I stopped in Asheville, NC to visit a couple chocolate shops Drew had told me about. I had to see for myself and got to try a liquid truffle. It's delicious! I'm not kidding. It's a must try for any chocolate lover.
   I took my parents up on their generous offer and officially started paying for my first car! It's a burgundy Sable which I've named Brogan Ryder. :-)

August - I resigned from my position at the shoe store. Working two jobs, though not unmanageable, was wearing me down a little due to stress, etc. It was also time to move on from the store, which in the end has freed me to pursue a life long dream.
   We took our yearly family trip up to Michigan. While the water was freezing cold, it was nice to be able to relax on a beach. It came at a much needed time for me.

September - I attended a local festival where Clint Black was performing. Attended an annual homeschool alumni event in northern Ohio. (OSR) Alex moved out due to a job promotion and transfer. Found out another friend was "courting." Become reunited with somebody (Rebekah S.) I knew for a short time when I was much younger. Started attending Truth Community Fellowship.

October - I drove up to visit a friend in northern Ohio for a short weekend.  I attended a Celtic Thunder concert. It was wonderful! It was the first time I had ever seen them live in concert and they did not disappoint! The result of a spontaneous purchase when I found out they were going to be in Indiana. :-)

November - Thanksgiving with our elderly neighbor, Rose. Visited my very good friend Emily in South Carolina at the end of the month. A trip I thoroughly enjoyed! I also stopped in Asheville, NC again on my way down.

December - My trip to Emily carried over into the new month and we accompanied her sisters and friends for a visit to the historic city of Charleston. It's a beautiful place and I would love to visit again when I have more time to simply explore. It truly was a visit full of firsts. I got to see and touch the Atlantic ocean for the first time in my life. It's a satisfying moment when you can cross off an item from your "bucket list." :-) I stopped in Asheville again on my way home and picked up a few fun items, one of which being chocolate.
   I worked my first Christmas Town season here at the museum. It was a fun time, but I'm glad it's over. ;-)
   I went to a Christmas Ball hosted by friends in Erie, PA with my friend Rebekah S. We both had a truly wonderful time.
   Samantha, Rebekah, and I went and saw part 1 of The Hobbit in theaters with a group of friends. Great movie! I can't wait until the next part comes out on screen. :-)
   Christmas came much faster than I was ready for this year. It was a blessed Christmas for all of us. I'm actually sitting here typing this on my "biggest" gift. A Chromebook! It was very much unexpected, but I am loving it! :-)
   Sadly we didn't get a white Christmas, but the day following we got a big winter storm, which in the end probably gave us close to 6 inches. That was accumulated over a period of a few days though. It was bad enough the first morning for me to call into work. It's been really nice to have enough snow to go sledding. Last winter we barely got any. The snow is just now starting to melt. By the end of the week it'll probably all be gone since the days are supposed to be on the warmer side.

It's been a good year and I have been richly blessed. 

Looking Ahead

I go back and forth about setting "new year" resolutions, so I didn't really set any this year. However, I did make a short list of goals that I hope to work on in the year 2013.

1. Focus on my relationship with Christ and make sure I set aside time to read and study scripture. I've really fallen behind with this and so I'd like to see myself work on it more.

2. Bring my music back to life. Since I started working, my playing has dropped to nearly a zero. I truly love the piano and I'd like to improve a little on my own. I'm going to start with trying 3 days a week. This can cover basic finger exercises to get my hand strength back, playing for fun, refreshing old pieces, learning new ones, etc. I also want to memorize chords so that I can easily figure out which key the music is written. 

3. Writing, journaling, or blogging. I love to write and I see no reason why I should continue to neglect my practice of it. My goal is to do a form of writing once a week. I'd like to dust off some of my old stories and see if I can do anything with them or possibly come up with new ideas. I also enjoy blogging, but that tends to only happen when I feel I have something worth sharing. Whatever it takes to get me writing consistently, that's what I'm going to work on.

Those are my goals for this new year. What happens beyond that, I'm not sure. I don't have any big plans at this point, but I do hope to see more traveling in my future. :-) 

I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling this is going to be an odd year for me. Not in a bad way, but potentially a lot of changes ahead. No, I couldn't give you any kind of indication on what they might be, because I don't know myself. 

In the meantime, I am going to take one day at a time. 

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Matthew 6:34 KJV

"Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."James 4:14

On A Journey

   So many times I'm at a loss on how to begin...where to start. I look back to that key post I shared, One of Those Days, and where I am now and all I can do is sit back in awe. I've come a long way since then and yet I'm still learning. Some of them are the same lessons and others are new ones I've picked up along the way. God is continually working on me, bringing things to light, and showing yet another area that needs to be strengthened. I've been through so many changes, opportunities, and new experiences. I've grown and been blessed in so many different ways. God has me in a constant state of amazement. I don't deserve all that I have! I've grown and yet in some ways I feel that I've strayed. Do you know what I mean? My personal devotional life with Christ has suffered much in the past year and yet it's been in this past year that I have been so blessed. How can He continue to abundantly bless me when I give him so little in return?

Have you ever really stopped to think about what a gracious and awesome God we serve?

So much time has passed since I last blogged here...so much has happened. I probably won't go in depth about it all now, but instead save it for another post. Since last time though I've had 2 birthdays, got my first job outside of my own entrepreneurial adventures, am now on my second job working at the Answers In Genesis Creation Museum, joined a Bible study group of young adults, and have been visiting a church fairly regularly for the last 3-4 months. Life has not been slow.

Some days it's difficult to see what's right in front me, others I don't even have the strength to get up on my own. Sometimes the road is rocky and am easily bruised.

"We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body." 2Corinthians 4:8-10

It's not the end! There is hope! There is a light at the end of the long, dark tunnel!

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal wight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not see are eternal." 2Corinthians 4:17-18 KJV

I am on a journey...the journey of life.